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If Meat Eaters Acted Like Vegans – Ultra Spiritual Life episode 35

That salad’s totally grossing me out. I’ve completely lost my appetite. [gong] How long have you been a meat eater for? I only eat meat. I’m going to the Meatstock Flesh Festival. Are you goin’? Yeah, I want the tofu spring rolls, except I don’t eat tofu, so do you have like a tofu-flavored chicken you can substitute in for me? It’s not that vegetable eaters are bad people, it’s just that they’re… terrible people. This sausage is a meat-based vegetable substitute for cucumber. It’s got the taste and the texture of an actual cucumber, with none of the cucumber. Eating plants makes your body WAY too alkaline, which will definitely kill you. Do you really want that? All you need is some meat to be healthy and thrive. You get everything you need from meat. Beef is loaded with carbs! Orcas are even more spiritually evolved than humans, and THEY only eat seal meat, so that means humans should only eat meat, because it’s the most spiritually evolved diet, because of orcas. Plants give off oxygen. Why would you eat them? Do you even know how dangerous deer are when you’re driving your car? If you don’t kill and eat deer first, you basically want people to get into car accidents. The world’s a much safer place if we eat the animals that could eat us. Broccoli? That’s what my food eats. That’s my food’s food, and I don’t appreciate you eating that. You should eat Siberian tigers to help them go extinct. It makes it so that they can live on through you and your children for generations to come. The best chance for the survival of their species is for us to kill and eat them. That coconut was gonna grow into a palm tree. Why would you eat that? I could never eat plants that are raised in crowded farms in inhumane living conditions with less than one square inch of space per stalk, stuck in the soil against their will. Have you ever thought about going meat-eater to help save the planet, or do you just not care about the earth? Have you seen that Kalespiracy documentary? You’ve gotta see it. It’s so heartbreaking seeing how all the plants are killed and the deforestation from the plant farming and unsustainable farming practices. Kale farming is the number one destroyer of the environment. Once you see it, you’ll never eat plants again. As he redundantly repeated his emotionally charged nutritional opinions at me, I was instantly convinced to become a meat eater. JP was the most illogical, condescending person I’ve ever met. Saying something like that’s just a symptom of being overly alkaline. It just makes you mean and you can’t think straight. [gong] So that you can be a less terrible person, be sure to subscribe to my carnivorous channel. All those meat eaters in one place, it’s beatiful… [dog chomping meat noise] Hmm. [softly] Gimme my steak.

Randall Smitham



  1. Kai * Posted on July 31, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    So fucking funny! That was the best table-turn smack I've ever seen! I say, eat what you want and stop attempting to shame others because they're not aligned with your dietary politics. Be vegan, be carnivore … whatever floats your boat. Advocating for humane animal farming does not mean one needs to be an herbivore.

  2. Wooo Heyyy Posted on August 2, 2019 at 3:47 am

    I love the dog af the end

    Also the one like u see it was me

  3. K9keeper 101 Posted on August 2, 2019 at 4:22 am

    Why is he always holding raw meat

  4. Mr T Posted on August 2, 2019 at 5:44 am

    Truth is that eating 'endangered' species would guarantee their survival as they would command high prices and farming them would be profitable so good farmers would ensure the best breeding stock and survival of the species.

  5. THE UNKNOWN Posted on August 2, 2019 at 12:29 pm

    Looks like a vegan, eats meat

  6. M. B. '84 Posted on August 3, 2019 at 9:00 pm

    "Gimme my steak" Hahaha!!!

  7. MoxieRed Posted on August 4, 2019 at 1:32 am

    There are meat eaters that are just like vegans. They’re called MGTOWS.

  8. Skinny 96 Posted on August 4, 2019 at 2:53 am

    I'm vegan…but I found this video very funny :)))

  9. dario Posted on August 4, 2019 at 8:44 am

    vegans who leave hateful comment on videos like "how to make chicken nuggets" need to be sentenced to death

  10. oOLaura's GachaOo Posted on August 4, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    I was at a restaurant once, and I said I was vegan, and the restaurant servants laughed. They laughed every time they went near me. I asked for chips and they were like, "A piece of stake is better than chips you fool".

    Me and 34 more people never went to that restaurant ever again. (There was a lot of people there, and they were disgusted by the servants' behaviour.)

  11. Lord Voldemort Posted on August 4, 2019 at 10:22 pm


  12. Jason Barnes Posted on August 6, 2019 at 2:35 am

    Sorry, I laughed.

  13. Michalko Tectonic Posted on August 6, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    Vegans are communists.

  14. Pupaya Posted on August 7, 2019 at 11:43 am

    If meat eaters acted like vegans, the leading cause of deforestation, GHG emmissions, ocean deadzones, animal cruelty, world hunger, species extinction, habitat destruction would vanish within a day.

  15. Avital Sarao Posted on August 8, 2019 at 4:00 am

    i say this as a vegan(hate saying it but it makes me allowed to say this) this isn’t true. like at all but it’s a joke so it’s ok

  16. super jim Posted on August 8, 2019 at 8:17 am

    Well, if meat eaters eat living animals, then vegans eat living plants. SO WHEN YOU EAT, IT MEANS THAT YOU EAT SOMETHING ALIVE. SO WE ARE ALL THE SAME

  17. Dani George Posted on August 8, 2019 at 10:33 am

    THIS is how you make jokes about veganism. Isaac Butterfield should take notes.

  18. Seki Posted on August 9, 2019 at 11:03 am

    Plants are alive too. 😂😂😂 Humans will always eat what were living things.

  19. Minister Evil Posted on August 9, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    How do vegans reproduce, anyway? It is a proven fact that heterosexual male vegans do not exist, and even in the improbable event that they did, vegans do not allow animal products into their bodies, and humans being members of the animal kingdom, that would include semen as an animal product… which means unless they have plant-based imitation (like they do for pretty much everything else) semen to fertilize themselves, reproduction is impossible for vegans.

  20. Kayel Kimble Posted on August 9, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    19k vegans disliked this video

  21. Koolkid 22 Posted on August 9, 2019 at 7:27 pm

    I’m vegan and I just find this funny

  22. tr0y Posted on August 10, 2019 at 1:12 am

    he was eating that raw

  23. Levi Dowhaniuk Posted on August 11, 2019 at 6:51 am

    i love the dog at the end… and how calm he is about not giving the dog no meat.

  24. Avital Sarao Posted on August 12, 2019 at 3:52 am

    it’s funny just not true

  25. big foot Posted on August 13, 2019 at 2:25 am

    Think about it, the meat eater will die faster than the vegan… I rather be vegan

  26. Ian Duke Posted on August 13, 2019 at 9:17 am

    Why are vegans annoying?

    They claim stupid things that are easily proven false.

    They lie.

    They are hypocrites.

    They have such stupid double standards!

    They are stupid due to their starving brains.

  27. Jonah Shook Posted on August 14, 2019 at 3:36 am

    2:39 lol, also 0:34 the words of wisdom

  28. QWEEN PHOXY Posted on August 14, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    I'm a meat eater but meat eaters act annoying when talking to vegans. They always talk about vegans unsolicited "I'm vegan" comments, but meat eaters reply right back with "wElL i LoVe MeAt" okay. Nobody asked you either lmao 😂

  29. Madison Adams Posted on August 15, 2019 at 10:56 pm


  30. Smile Doggo Posted on August 17, 2019 at 5:31 am

    (Totally original joke incoming)

    I’m on a seafood diet

    When I see food

    I eat it

  31. Tamás Seres Posted on August 18, 2019 at 5:13 pm

    The last scene shows why dogs should be spared from a plant based diet
    Great video!

  32. Copat87 Posted on August 18, 2019 at 6:17 pm

    I love how casually they're just holding meat while talking 😂

  33. D.I.O Posted on August 18, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    I don't hate animals but vegans are so fucking annoying….

  34. elizabeth ruiz Posted on August 20, 2019 at 2:04 am

    So basically, Carnivores.

  35. red violet Posted on August 20, 2019 at 5:59 am

    As a vegan this is still funny

  36. 米林才子 Posted on August 20, 2019 at 12:22 pm


  37. Hailu D Posted on August 21, 2019 at 9:03 am

    this is so awesoooome

  38. Mordechai Housman Posted on August 21, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    This is hilarious!

  39. Yvan Wlo Posted on August 21, 2019 at 9:41 pm

    Voici un argumment débile de végétarien: "Si tu devais tuer pour te nourrir tu ne mangerai pas de viande''
    Bah si, si on m'y avais habitué depuis la naissance.
    Sinon c'est pour çà qu'il y a des bouchers… sérieusement cet argument est ridicule… et ne sous-estimez jamais une personne en détresse et affamée… les cas de cannibalisme le prouvent, on est prêt à bouffer son pote quand on est on train de crever.
    Ah et aussi, les animaux mangent les autres animaux, l'Homme est un animal donc il mange les autres. Certes on n'est pas obligé de manger que de la viande, mais faut arrêter les conneries l'Homme à toujours chassé pour se nourrir. Sinon excellente vidéo, très drôle.

  40. WEEBBREAKER Posted on August 22, 2019 at 10:40 am

    That girl is a smmmmoke show

  41. Kindsey Rowe Posted on August 22, 2019 at 3:53 pm

    LMAO. I have that headband

  42. King Castles Posted on August 23, 2019 at 9:27 am

    Hay If Vegans Love Nature So Much, Why Do They Eat It

  43. coup de grâce Posted on August 23, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    LMFAO! I lost it when the dog started pulling at it lol

  44. Jeremy Cremen Posted on August 23, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    I love how they are just holding raw meat lol

  45. Master Muffinn Posted on August 23, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    In sweden we have a LOT of rules in the farms about how the animals must be treated in a good way. But the people think the meat is "too expensive" so they buy meat from other countries where the animals don't be treated in the same good way. I dunno, but it feels like it dosen't matter how we do, people will still never be pleased…?

  46. Muriel’s Bravery Posted on August 24, 2019 at 2:02 am

    I don’t really care too much for vegetables either but I eat them anyway

  47. the1andonly Rand0m_medic Posted on August 24, 2019 at 2:16 am

    The thing is if vegans bang…..


  48. okeihan777 Posted on August 24, 2019 at 10:28 am


  49. Angela Durden Posted on August 25, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    19K don't like this? Hahahahahaha! That's a bunch of Pussy-Hat Wearing Politically Correct Liberal Climate Change Social Justice Warriors.

  50. Leo Nardo Posted on August 26, 2019 at 5:39 am

    JP predicted anti-vegans

  51. MihaelCrazy Gvoz2351 Posted on August 26, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    Lol he is she and he is eating meat to much hormons

  52. suryanshi talwar Posted on August 26, 2019 at 4:13 pm

    I didn't understood the sarcasm ….can anyone explain
    Whom he is criticising

  53. haz p Posted on August 26, 2019 at 11:27 pm

    Imagine not being able to google basic facts on nutrition

  54. Jacob Christ Posted on August 27, 2019 at 12:56 am

    I use this video to communicate with low IQ trough washers.

  55. fredener1 Posted on August 27, 2019 at 10:45 am

    We got to the top of evolution because we are omnivores – so it sounds plausible to eat everything (some insects are tasty, too)

  56. Jose Cyclone Posted on August 27, 2019 at 11:54 pm

    What if we’re not herbivores but instead omnivores

  57. Carrie Aucoin Posted on August 28, 2019 at 3:43 pm

    The dog at the end… 😂

  58. Tom Grbavach Posted on August 29, 2019 at 1:18 am

    JP….please do some long form podcasts….you have so much to say.

  59. Ian Duke Posted on August 29, 2019 at 10:07 am

    vegans are stupid and ignorant and have such crazy double standards

  60. velazquez armouries Posted on August 29, 2019 at 3:37 pm

    plants give out oxygen and animals exhale carbon dioxide so why should we eat plants and not animals

  61. Vasilil Stan Posted on August 29, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Great satire!!!

  62. Andrew Downing Posted on August 30, 2019 at 5:54 am

    JP is a fucking idiot. Not funny at fucking all.

  63. Channel Hub Tv Posted on August 31, 2019 at 1:00 am

    The crazy part is none of this stuff ever happens. It only happens in the heads of meat-eaters.

  64. jam de la rama Posted on August 31, 2019 at 8:35 am

    Lol this is hilarious!!

  65. David S. Posted on August 31, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    That was great 😂

  66. 이지훈 Posted on September 1, 2019 at 11:00 am

    여러분 이래서 육식주의가 무서운 겁니다. 고작 고기 하나로 자기 집 개랑 생존경쟁을… 흑…

  67. Anaris10 Posted on September 2, 2019 at 2:12 am

    Join Carnivore Confirmed today!

  68. CC Cooper Posted on September 2, 2019 at 3:17 am

    Analogy is VERY Accurate.

  69. Aussievegan Vids Posted on September 2, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    if farmers were transparent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoOuJlnaOjU&list=PLBvGDNsNq-R2HUQjpMnyDS9ytKMhhwoDu&index=1

  70. Sachin Raghavan Posted on September 2, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    This video exposes carnists, not vegans. You're completely stereotypical and blind to our intentions, mocking us like a joke whilst you're the one taking lives and destroying the world,not us.

  71. V V Posted on September 2, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    As an ex-vegan, now omnivore leaning closer and closer to carnivore (grass fed), I enjoyed that video a lot! 😂

  72. David Roudebush Posted on September 3, 2019 at 3:34 am

    Vegans irritate me

  73. Dorian Noir Posted on September 3, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    As a vegan I find this hilarious

  74. adam zarbon Posted on September 4, 2019 at 1:59 am

    Joke time:

    So 2 vegans walks into the bar and everybody instantly knows because they announced it.

  75. The Clintidote Posted on September 4, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    As a conservative libertarian, if I don't want to eat meat, I don't eat meat. (I do eat meat, tons of it, by the way.)
    If leftists, democRats and other feeble-minded fools don't want to eat meat, they want Big Stupid Greedy Government to force everyone else to not eat meat also.
    See the difference, normal people?

  76. Rasheeda Lloyd Posted on September 4, 2019 at 8:47 pm

    His face expressions kill me😂 it's true though. There really are vegans who act like it's a religion or cult. On top of that they can't cook😭😂 So the impression is really bad for alot of people. But truthfully. It's a beautiful thing. It can and will save our planet. I hope to see a mostly vegan world one day.

  77. Molacho 18 Posted on September 5, 2019 at 2:36 am

    Yet you got a flower on your gead

  78. Jaylin Broan Posted on September 5, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    This actually makes some arguments against veganism look overly stupid, and at the same time it points out how weird vegans seem when they talk about their choices. But what are you supposed to do when you're trying to save the world? Be *nice*??

  79. Mattyjack Posted on September 5, 2019 at 7:43 pm

    1:16 You got a point there bud..

  80. Ю Нэко Posted on September 6, 2019 at 6:19 am

    i hate vegans! Vegans really like fascists!!!

  81. Steve Parker Posted on September 6, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    Dear vegans if you care about animals so much, STOP EATING ALL THEIR BLOODY FOOD.

  82. Evi Marioli Posted on September 7, 2019 at 12:22 pm

    I'm vegan and I find this hilarious 🙂

  83. M. wolf Posted on September 7, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    This very funny. I am not Vegan but at one point in her life, my sister was and got really into it. I wish I didn't like meat but I do. I feel sorry for the animals but at the same time for the plants too. We are at the top of the food chain and everything we eat, or almost, was alive at one time.

  84. M. wolf Posted on September 7, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Ha ha. I didn't notice before. @2:09 the vegan guy is also holding a steak.

  85. Red W the magic channel Posted on September 8, 2019 at 5:53 pm

    If Meat Eaters Acted Like Vegans They'd Be The Same, Idiots! I Personally Know That Just Because You Don't Eat Meat Doesn't Mean You'd Act Differently! It's Just Healthier. And Vegan Alternatives Taste The Exact Same As The Product With Meat. You Should Just Eat That. So Stop Being Afraid Of Change, Stop Sitting Around, And Try Something Different. Vegans Don't Say That! They're Nice! They're Nice People Who Aren't As Lazy As You Idiots! You Portray Them As Boring, But You Obviously Only Met 1 Vegan, And Now How They Act From TV! Now Let Me Ask You A Question. Are You Racist? Because If You Assume All People In That Minority Are Like That, Then It's Pretty Dang Similar To Racism. And The Menu Thing Is Because It Is So Hard To Order If You Are Simply Vegan, Because Meat Is More Popular, That's Just The Truth! They Don't Want To Sound Annoying, But It's The Best They Can Get That They Actually Like. And I'm Sure They Deserve Some Them Time When IDIOTS Like You Are Always Around Them!

  86. Syd Barrett Posted on September 8, 2019 at 8:42 pm

    plants do not have a nervous system even if they are technically alive. even if that kind of makes me a criminel. i've never seen a carrot that got emotionally attached to its baby carrot or a farmer. because carrots do not have children or cucambers or tomatoes

  87. Stefan The RainbowPhoenix Posted on September 9, 2019 at 4:42 am

    Informed non-vegan: "In fact, more animals suffer and die for plant foods than for animal foods."
    Veganist: "Well, you see, that's actually an argument for veganism because livestock animals eat plants. #letlivestockanimalsstarve"
    Informed non-vegan: 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️


    In addition:
    Veganist: "Veganism is very easy."
    – more and more ex-vegans appear –
    Veganist: "They didn't do it right."


  88. 장현이 Posted on September 9, 2019 at 12:15 pm

    Vegan is a collection of idiots. They claim that meat destroys the environment, but I don't think it's environmental pollution that they make chemical masses and destroy acids to grow vegetables and fruits.

  89. Nastasja Zecevic Posted on September 9, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    If that were only truth.

  90. uncle darren Posted on September 9, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    Plants are consious. Plants have feelings. Harvest is holocaust!!! https://youtu.be/gBGt5OeAQFk

  91. Madison Jane Posted on September 9, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    Vegans don’t act like this tho…..

  92. BEAR ARMS Posted on September 10, 2019 at 4:25 am

    My food poops on your food.

  93. JonyBazz Posted on September 10, 2019 at 11:28 am

    Im vegan and enjoy it. Yes we exist.

  94. B.J. Roes Posted on September 10, 2019 at 3:58 pm

    316K likes, this is a sign that you are doing the lords work