Single Mom Q&A | Husband?? Priorities | StrugglesRandall Smitham September 11, 2019 1 COMMENT
Hey guys welcome to my channel.
Today I want to take the time and really not
only have the conversation with myself but
put out these questions when it comes to single
moms that I think are important to answer.
To answer for not only ourselves but for the
people who are either in the situation or
for people who are curious about single motherhood.
So these are a set of questions that are frequently
asked across the web and I’ve compiled them
and I’m going to try my best to answer them
as honestly as I possibly can.
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Okay so let’s just jump right into it.
What is a single mom?
I contemplated making this video, I was a
bit hesitant because there are lots of definitions
of what a single mom is and people have their
own definitions of what that is.
I don’t think there’s one clear answer necessarily
but to me I would consider myself a single
mom because I’m not married, I’m not partnered
romantically with the father of my child therefore,
I would consider myself a single mom.
But others, I can understand how others may
not you me as a single mom because his dad
is part of his life and does provide for his
I’m not married nor partnered up romantically
with his dad therefore I am a single mom to
me, that’s what a single mom means.
Is it hard being a single mom?
Short answer yes.
Definitely hard to be a single mom just because
well, it has pros and cons I will say that.
Of course, being a single mom is difficult
especially if you’re doing it completely on
your own like kudos to those moms they’re
amazing, you’re amazing, where they’re doing
absolutely everything for the household and
for their children I can’t even imagine that
world I really can’t so respect out to any
of you who are.
You have to play both roles you have to be
mom and dad and try your best to guide your
child in the best way you possibly can and
And you doubt yourself sometimes because if
you are the only one making the decisions
for your child you second-guess yourself at
times because you don’t necessarily have someone
else to bounce ideas off of or sometimes you
aren’t a hundred percent certain on something
that you did or maybe that you regretted handling
the situation a certain way.
There are a lot of moments where you wish
the dad was around to help in a certain situation.
At the end of the day you get it handled and
you just have to forgive yourself for things
you think that you may have done wrong but
yes it’s absolutely hard being a single mom
Do you feel bad your son doesn’t have a normal
No, I don’t feel bad one bit and here’s why.
I’ve mentioned it another video but I’m happy
that things turned out the way they did because
it’s a teachable moment.
I am able to now teach my son what love is,
what team work is, what a partnership is without
having the romance or the sexual intimacy
He gets to see two people really working together
towards an overall goal and I think that’s
I don’t feel bad in any way that he doesn’t
have a “normal” family.
For sure at first when we were first getting
separated I freaked out and thought it was
like the worst thing ever that my son was
going to have to deal with two parents not
being together in that way but once I worked
out through my issues and figured out why
I felt that way, it kind of unraveled all
these feelings and emotions.
I realized that he’s fine, if anything this
is a better route than where we were back
then so I’m happy everything turned out exactly
the way it did.
Do you want to find a boyfriend or husband?
No, I don’t.
I have no urge to do that right now do I know
if that’s going to change in 5 years?
It might and it might not.
I don’t know but as of today I have no desire
to find a boyfriend or husband.
I just don’t have the desire to be nothing
serious with someone in which I have no desire
to grow something with them if that makes
sense at this point I’m not going to drag
someone along where there’s no end.
If I don’t see myself growing a family with
another person, I see no point in being serious
with that person.
I’m open to casually go out on a date here
and there and that’s fine but to actually
have a boyfriend or husband I feel like I
would do that if I felt some type of void
as if I don’t have a family but I have a family
currently and I don’t I just don’t find the
need to do that.
There’s no void in me, there’s no desire in
me, no want for me to find a boyfriend or
What does a single mom want in a boyfriend?
If I was in that position what I would want,
the first thing I would look for honestly
is seeing if they could handle my situation
and that being of course my family.
That being PJ and Jet.
Could they handle them always being second
to both of them.
If they’re not secure within themselves and
understand why they will always be number
two in my eyes then we have no we have no
future, there’s no point in talking because
those two boys or those two guys will always
be my number ones, they will always be my
priority and if someone else can’t understand
that or is not okay with that then they have
no reason to pursue anything with me honestly.
Will a single mom ever find love?
There are guys out there ladies, there are
guys out there that will definitely be interested
in you, don’t give up hope don’t think just
because you’re a mom you’re not wanted or
desired that’s absolutely not true.
If anything there are guys out there that
specifically look for moms because they either
they’re at an older age or maybe they’re ready
to settle down or they are attracted to the
responsibilities that a mother has.
I know when I was open to like date here and
there there were guys that actually appreciated
the fact that I was a mom and I care so much
about my son because either one they found
my maturity attractive or two it could because
they think to themselves I like the way she
handles her family if I ever want to have
a family with her one day she would treat
our family in a similar fashion if that makes
Don’t be discouraged because you’re a mom
that’s it like there’s no choices out there
There are people out there for you, you just
have to one be patient but also make the effort.
It’s about balance.
Don’t go extra and be obsessed with the idea
of like having and needing to find someone
quickly but then also don’t just stay indoors
all day thinking that you’re going to find
the man of your dreams by doing absolutely
nothing about it.
So you know go out, go out with your friends
here and there, have some girls night out
or whatever go on dating apps, whatever you
choose to do be open but also don’t be overly
obsessed about it either.
It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.
Do you want more kids?
Yes, I definitely want more kids.
I don’t know in what manner I will have them
I’m definitely interested in adopting in the
future once I am more financially stable,
I would definitely be interested in adopting.
I know I’m from this Earth to be a mother,
it just feels so natural me and there are
so many kids out there that are in desperate
need of a good home and I would love to provide
that for one two three four kids I have no
idea what the future holds for me but I know
I definitely want more kids in my future.
Do you still talk to your in-laws?
Of course I wasn’t married so we’ll just call
him in-laws but yes I still talk to PJ’s mom
I never met his dad so that’s out of the question
but yes I definitely still keep in contact
with his side of the family because they’re
still family, they’re still my family even
though we were never married or now because
we are no longer together doesn’t mean that
I have to stop speaking to them I mean that’s
my son’s grandmother.
It doesn’t make sense to me to just disconnect
myself in that manner.
I love her I mean she gave me PJ essentially
which therefore, gave me Jordan so I can only
have the most respect and love her until forever,
I will forever be grateful for her.
I think it’s okay to talk to your in-laws
especially if you had already a comfortable
and open relationship when you were together
with your ex, I don’t see anything wrong with
it, if they want to continue talking to you
and you want to continue talking to them then
I say why not especially, if obviously if
kids are involved.
Those are grandparents I think it’s great
to still have those lines of communication
Last question, do you take time to take care
Yes and no.
I’m guilty of not doing things like getting
pedicure manicure I’m not really good on all
that but I do try my best in things that I
prioritize like I try my best to go to the
gym, I definitely set aside time to meditate
or doing things like this, little side projects
for me I still consider it me time because
it’s something that I want to explore and
do and gives me a sense of purpose besides
just being a mom.
So I do but I know I can do better and I’m
sure single moms out there can relate or moms
in general, we don’t tend to give ourselves
too much time and we really need to focus
on giving ourselves some pampering time I
really am I going to try this year to be better
with that and really just take care of myself
just as well as I take care of my own son.
Okay well, that was it those were the frequently
asked questions that I found on the web anyways,
if you have any other questions please let
me know I would love to answer them and as
always thank you so much for watching this
video I will see you in the next one.